Before I Forget

When I was little, my mom says that I am too secretive.

I find it is really hard to express my feeling. Then I started to write a letter to my mom.

I was 16 when I first sent Dad an email.

I find it is easy to write rather than saying. But when I really say something - that's mean I really mean it.

Because now I come to realize that we only say something when we really really really mean it. Like when you are telling someone that you really miss him/her. You only tell them when you really really mean it. 

The thing about me is it takes sometimes for people to understand me. It takes some time to know all about myself because I am not the type who like to pour everything overnight. It is not that I am not being truthful. It's just that I am very selective to whom I really want to open up with.

My dad always said, it takes time to know a person. I've been honest to almost everyone back then when I was a small girl but somehow people takes thing for granted. Can't blame much because this is life. Then I choose to stay secretive and selective. Things can go slow. Like daddy said, it takes time to know a person. 

I've got this principle, I stay truthful to those who deserve me. I'll open up when I am ready. 

My mom once said that life is not a fairy tale.

I am not waiting for a prince charming to come and rescue me.

I just need someone who understands my emotion, my feeling, my writing and let me be myself.

I need:

A person who thinks I am pretty when I am at my naked face.

A person who thinks I am amazing even if I  know nothing about the politics.

A person who never let go of me even if I am almost giving up.

A person who I can hold hands forever.

A person who can hold on me even when I get angry.

A person who never stops talking to me excitedly even if sometimes it's annoying.

And most of all, I need a person who I can trust and makes me feel safe.

Safe as in, I know I am not going to miss my parents even if I know I'll live 4000 miles away from home away from mommy and daddy. Because I know I got him. And the reason I am with him is because I love him. Nothing else matter. Because the heart is the matter.

Now this makes me afraid.