I always have issues with my name. But then I figure out that it was not only me who having the same issue.

Well my name is just fine, nothing wrong with that. 

The only thing is, my name have this "Binti" and people always misunderstood me. You know what I mean? Ain't you.

From where I come from, it is very common to have this "bin" or "binti" especially those who born in the year of 70s and 80s and maybe before the 70s as my mother has it too. And we are clearly a Christian. 

I am sorry to say this. I don't mean to make this as a racist issue or any conflict at the first place.

I write this because this is based on the experience I've been through for so many years.

And I just want people to understand that, don't judge someone by their name. Because your fact could be wrong -  especially IF you doesn't know EAST MALAYSIAN that well.

I was once asked about my religion and I said I am a Roman Catholic ( and I am still ) . And they said but you name got "binti". I was so stunned that I could not answer. Not because I don't have the answer but I was like, what is that got to do with my name and my religion?. 

Anyway, I think you should read this. It explains why we East Malaysian has this "Bin/Binti". And we are still a Christian Isu Bin/Binti @ Sabah  and Full Story 2012 @ Sabah Times

Forum Good One

When I was little, my mom says that I am too secretive.

I find it is really hard to express my feeling. Then I started to write a letter to my mom.

I was 16 when I first sent Dad an email.

I find it is easy to write rather than saying. But when I really say something - that's mean I really mean it.

Because now I come to realize that we only say something when we really really really mean it. Like when you are telling someone that you really miss him/her. You only tell them when you really really mean it. 

The thing about me is it takes sometimes for people to understand me. It takes some time to know all about myself because I am not the type who like to pour everything overnight. It is not that I am not being truthful. It's just that I am very selective to whom I really want to open up with.

My dad always said, it takes time to know a person. I've been honest to almost everyone back then when I was a small girl but somehow people takes thing for granted. Can't blame much because this is life. Then I choose to stay secretive and selective. Things can go slow. Like daddy said, it takes time to know a person. 

I've got this principle, I stay truthful to those who deserve me. I'll open up when I am ready. 

My mom once said that life is not a fairy tale.

I am not waiting for a prince charming to come and rescue me.

I just need someone who understands my emotion, my feeling, my writing and let me be myself.

I need:

A person who thinks I am pretty when I am at my naked face.

A person who thinks I am amazing even if I  know nothing about the politics.

A person who never let go of me even if I am almost giving up.

A person who I can hold hands forever.

A person who can hold on me even when I get angry.

A person who never stops talking to me excitedly even if sometimes it's annoying.

And most of all, I need a person who I can trust and makes me feel safe.

Safe as in, I know I am not going to miss my parents even if I know I'll live 4000 miles away from home away from mommy and daddy. Because I know I got him. And the reason I am with him is because I love him. Nothing else matter. Because the heart is the matter.

Now this makes me afraid.

I'll finish whatever I started.
So I break the news today. He looked so shocked.
Everyone doesn't seem happy knowing that I am leaving.
None of them expecting this news on Monday afternoon.

But nothing can stop me anymore. I would never let that happen. I've gone so far now, I made too many tough decisions since last year and I am glad I've overcome my fear.

Now that I am done digesting everything, I'll move forward to the next level of my career.

And the thing about Alexa, she so soft-hearted. But I stand for what I believe today. I would not stay anymore because the moment when I chose to walk out I've told myself I would never turn back anymore. Call me stubborn whatever you like. I am just moving to the next level of my career.

Finally I have the gut to say NO and I stand for the things I want the most in life. I face my fear literally.

So hey ! wink~~~ this is the best news ever!

So I thought Wanie was busy with her boyfriend and I drove for late lunch alone. I was at the traffic light and  I was busy looking at my compact powder's mirror just to make sure my hair is cool.

There was this car keep giving me high and low beam since just now and I am pretending like Yo dude I don't give a damn. So I was driving at my own risk. And little did I know it was Kelvin. I was like whoa!

So I dropped by at the Starbuck again just to see Wanie and I found out that Kelvin was there.Like seriously, I really have no clue. Wanie said, there your secret admirer is sitting there. I was like for God sake.

His mom was looking at me and I was like, Wanie can we switch? I think I better sit there. I don't feel comfortable with people looking me like that.

And his mom came by and talked to us. I was like, gosh.
And his mom was telling us that his son is single no girlfriend. I was like, whoa Wanie is single.

I mean this is sound ridiculous but I have to say that I got to know this aunty during Chinese New Year when I visited Starbuck. I felt so guilty for making a quick judgment and i covered it up by talking to her and accompany her quite a few times. And that she asked for my number and told me a little bit about Kelvin. And I was like whoa!

But I managed to escape. Laughed.
And I said, Wanie that aunty is freaking creepy.

And Wanie said, it's okay to be creepy at least we know that person is true for you.

And I am like Whoa!

Sometime they thought that they know me very well. But they not.

My heart made of stone and when I slow down that's mean I am losing hope. Slowly.

I can be very direct to people but at the same time I am hoping the same too.

It's a simple word Yes for the thing which you can and No for the thing you can't.

It is not hard to catch my breath.

I am learning how to react every day. Try as hard to be on the positive side. But I guess, I am the only one who working on things. Maybe I am wrong.

But how to prove it when everything I feel and everything I saw all torn.

This is a ridiculous Fairy Tale I must say.

Help me to understand things.

I am a good girl with a big heart. But now, I am lost.

I was reading to Jo's blog this morning. Actually this gonna be the fifth times of me reading the same post. I like it when she writes about Alex. And how she told Alex for the first time,"I Love You". Although it was not exactly "I Love You" but that sound the same.

Have you ever told anyone, " I Love You" first?

It will be pretty awesome right to hear this from someone dear to you. At least you know they appreciate you.
Laugh out loud.

I'd say I Love You to my parents.

Now what I am going to do today? A big mistake for taking a day off on Monday.

Maybe I sleep.

Good night lah.

I hate it when I have so much to say but I can't put it in words.
Now- I can't just write my thought like the old days. As now people are reading my blog.
But somehow, I am not really sure how to express my frustration.

There are things which I easily can just shoot away but sometime there are few things which I just don't know how to say. Even with words I felt like a lump in my throat. It just maybe I am too careful with a person's heart. I noticed that. Sometime I'd say I don't even care what other people may think or feel but deep inside my heart I don't feel like hurting people's mind. Because I know I am not a bad person or inconsiderate people. I know how it feels like to be a human.

I wish I can be wicked. And I wish I can be


....................

It that the beauty of the world we know?

Obviously.

Come on. Why do people have to lie? Are they having this low self-esteem that they need to lie and giving fake hope for people to breathe in. Come on, give me some CPR now - but NO, I don't need one.

As I am driving today, we stopped by at the Hilly. I know it's getting late and who cares. I am still on my own. The cloud so clear and it's a bit colder today even it is not as cold as the winter back in Cork.

Hey, I just don't know why do people lie. I just don't get the clue. Dad said, when people telling us inconsistent fact that's mean something not right. 

Call me secretive - that's what mom describes me. I have the feeling like I don't have to open up to people who doesn't deserve it. But that doesn't make me a bad person.

I have many friends but I have limited friends who I chose to open up with. Because, I don't need someone who is fake. To live with Alexa, the main key is to be as real as you are. Even if it's hurt, I prefer everything to be transparent. No lie, no fake.

But not everyone lives according to my way. 

And I have to admit that people lie. And the reason could be because it is fun to fool a person.

Tell me how to trust a person?

Six months ago. I was out for a mountain biking ride with my good friend Kenneth.

He is not my boyfriend. He is my good friend. I like him for always treating me as his own little sister even if sometimes he gets angry for no good reason. I appreciate him as my family and good friend of course.

I remembered when we went for rides that day.

Life is not a fairy tales, get to the ground and wake up. Kenneth is bombing me.

Even life is not fairy tales but there is one person for everyone, you know like the lovey dovey and all that?. I heard myself telling Kenneth. 

You know Kenneth like the movie, a man fall in love with a girl at first sight. Then both fall in love to each other soon after that...man proposed and that's it happy ending,live happily ever after.

You stupid girl. No such thing lah. Kenneth was telling me.

I laughed. I cycled further and further. Looking up at the skies. I said, if only I can write someone's name on the skies - I'll write.....  But I realized that I can't seem to find the name because I don't have any name to write yet.

Kenneth, how do you feel like having a boyfriend? I remembered asking him and I smiled because I know I asked him the wrong question.

How would I know. I never had a boyfriend before. You siao ah?

Bodoh la u, what I am saying is - how would I be if I had a boyfriend now?

Don't know you. He answered.

You know how much I value true people. And you know that I value true friendship,kan?

And he said, people change lah.

I know people change. But it is not wrong if you change for the better mah.

But I don't want people lie to me. You know mah it is really hard to trust people. To know which and which is true also hard. Like this I am devastated loh.

Ah Lyn life is no fairy tales lah. If you want find perfect boyfriend till 100 years also you won't find wan...you have to grab every opportunity coming.

Kenneth seem to get bored with my statement.

 I don't want a perfect boyfriend. I just want someone who I can trust. Who I can stick with. I just want to have someone who I can hold hands with even when I am in my 60s. Someone who still says I am pretty even if I am already 40s. Someone who still can kiss me like the first time he kissed me when he first met me after 10 years or 20 years of marriage. It is not hard to live with me. Because I don't fall in love with anybody that easy and when I did - that's mean I am truly in love with that person. Me and my future bf would not be perfect but it is enough to know that we complete each other.

I gave him my tight face.

Then good luck lah finding a bf then. He said and leave me.

I was stunned.

"Ken I don't want a perfect boyfriend! I just want someone who truly loves me. Knows how to appreciate me. Never lie to me. One more thing, I want to spend my life with someone I love with all my heart. Not half heart or unsure about her/his feeling!".... 

But he was too far and I bet he doesn't get what I just said.

I looked up and I say a little prayer .....

"Whoever you are....It's not hard to live with me - You just have to be true to me.You just have to be true because I am unpredictable".

I don't easily get influenced by people.
I don't give my trust to people that easily too.

As the time passed by, I think I've met with loads kind of people which I myself hard to trust.
Maybe you heard me talking so much about trust here and of course about lies - but I just can't help myself.

I have to admit that it is quite hard to gain my trust and knowing that - it won't be easy for me to open up to people. And I think I've not opened up that  much yet but that doesn't make me as a bitter person or negative person. I take things positively in life.

It just that sometime when I felt something not right, I felt unsure.
Dad was telling me once, he said we can tell the person if he/she is lying when he/she tells inconsistent fact.

I have to say, it is hard to tell fake people.
I feel so unsure to trust what and which now.

I wish people are born as a nice person. No lie no fake.

Tell me why do people lie?

We don't lie to good people.

I came home today feeling so damned full.
And doing blog-hop is my part time job nowadays since Monster on over the sea mode.

So as I was out with Wanie today - We talked about  friendship and relationship and how these two things made our world upside down. We have become so close recently after knowing that we live in the same neighborhood. As you know I am quite a pampered spoiled child. ( In a good way lar..)

I feel like I easily get connected to people who treat me well. Who knows how to appreciate me. Who knows how to value relationship. I feel good when people treat me as how it suppose to be. I feel good when people show some respect to each other. To me, a friend don't lie to each other. A friend doesn't take things for granted. A friend love each other. Care for each other. It applies the same to the relationship as well.

When you are upset it doesn't mean that you need to hit people. Everything can be solved with slow talk. Discussion and all. And if you can't express it by talking, write a letter then. Or email. Or blog. Ha - Ha. Please no blog.

Like me, my mother taught me by writing a letter. So I used to write her a letter and leave it on her dressing table like, Mom I am angry because you don't let me buy that Barbie last night. Now I am not going to talk to you. Please don't talk to me either. Because I am really upset but I still hope you will get me that Barbie. Else I am going to run away, like seriously. ( But you know mom, I am always your good girl. I promise I'll study very hard...pleaseeee.. :) :) ) - Something like this will be good enough.

Or like this, dear monster I was upset with you because you didn't even say a word before you leave for Manila the other day. You don't even send me text although I know it will cost you 60 cents of Singapore money or whatever. Now I am really angry but not at the stage of Lion King yet. When I saw your text today, I was wishing you get kidnap there and they make you a statue but then again that's mean I won't be seeing Mocha so I pulled back my thought. Next time don't make me worry else I am going to get myself kidnapped. ( But you know I am always being your good girl :) :) ) As in return, please let me come to Singapore this weekend, yours sincerely, Baby.

Ha ha.

Good night everyone.

P/S I am not into this blogger judging. I've read the news about one of the blogger today but I am sorry. If you ask about my public opinion. I am not going to comment anything. Everyone has their own right to reveal  or not to about who they really are. In life we have a choice. Either we want to live with someone who can love and take care us till death do us apart or live with fake lies people. Who life depends on pretty lies they put on peoples' lives. It applies to blogger life as well. You just have to choose. Either keep collecting stone or start living your life on the right path. You choose. He - He like me I want my fairy-tales.

I have to say tonight is the coldest of all the nights because it was raining an hour ago.
We were having some BBQ and the wine was passed around the table.

We were having so much fun and I forgot that I was too excited last night that I went to sleep only at three in the morning.

I have a very limited access to the internet. I try to accept the fact that I should live my life once in a while without the distraction of virtual worlds. They said, no phone Alexa. What are you doing with the phone?

Yes, I don't need one. I scrolled my phone and read the last text from Aemy.
She's right, some people don't deserve to be treated well. Some people are just fake. Tell crap just to brag about everything in this world. What the fuck now dude?. You just ruin everything. A simple hey won't be too much. Obviously.

I am addicted to coffee. Seeing the flask empty make me sick. We drove to the nearest Starbuck and get myself a coffee. While waiting for Sean, I saw the same guy which I've spoken to. He reminds me of Danny and I just thought it was him.

He looked back to me and he smiled. He said hi.
He brought his mom and she waved at me. Gosh, this person remembers me. Of course, we remember good person. It doesn't happen everytime. I am pretty sure I am being nice to everyone. But sometime people take me for granted which now I could not tolerate anymore.

I purposely sit there and look at them. Wondering who are they. Wondering why this old lady sitting at the Starbuck having her dinner. Why not at home. Furthermore it's the festive season. I wanted to ask. But it won't make sense if I drop the question out of the blue.

Sean said, hey come on Alexa. Time to go.

Wait. I want to sit here for quite sometime.

Fuck. I wanted to have a chit chat with them. What the hell I am thinking now?.

***************************************************************************

You won't believe this. I just spoke to the old lady. Call me whatever. Ha - Ha
They are Baba Nyonya. I knew it.

Hi aunty, how are you today?.

She smiled and asked me to sit.
I was excited. Didn't know that I attract her attention that much.

What is your name?.
I told her my name. You've got nice name.
I said, thank you.

Are you Catholic?. Yes I am. I go to SFX.

Aunty you look so unwell. I feel bad for you.

Do you come here often?

It was almost 9PM when I realized that I am too hungry. The chat was great.
I feel so much connected. Maybe  because she remind me of my late grandmother that much.

I wish I can talk longer to her. And get to know her better.

Aunty I can cook for you if you don't mind, sincerely.
But telling this to an old lady which you just met twice is some kind of scary you see.

Anyway, I feel good to myself about how much I leave tatoo on someone's life.
People remember me. People notice me.

Because I know, even how much I said I am being mean to people - I always knew that I treat people good no matter how ridiculous they are. Even how much bad scar they left in my life I still treat them good. Even how bad was the betrayal or the lies they put in my life, I never treat them bad as in return. I know how it feel to be a human.

All this doesn't mean that I am not firm in life. I have my own principle. I have my own view. I have my own thought. But I don't born to be rude. I am not conservative. It's just that I know how it feels to be human.

I know how it feels to be human. So you people out there, who takes things for granted and keep fucking someone else life. Your time will come when you realized you are collecting stone all the way instead of the diamond in the skies. Because all the lies you've made up only lasted till the clock stop ticking.

I grabbed Sean's hand as soon as I packed  my thing.
Sean you not gonna believe this.

What the fuck you thinking you are doing Alexa. Did you just flirt with that old lady?.

I said, shut up. I was just chatting. I just feel like asking. A little hello won't kill you ain't you Sean?.
Yes great, you being weird.

He gave me that sarcastic look. Anyway, Sean is my handsome cousin. But I like it when people thought he is my boyfriend. Laugh Out Loud.

We drove back to the resort with a smile on my face.
I am glad I still have a heart.

When you put up lies that's mean your acceptance of life are too low.
It won't kill a person to have a little thought for each other.

I will definitely come back to have a little chat with the aunty.


.

Hell no.
As I was walking through the beach today, I saw people keep looking at me. WTF I said.
Do I look like an alien now.

I stopped by at the chalet. I was looking at the kite. I felt like buying one of them when one lady asked me something in chinese. I said I am sorry I don't speak Chinese and she asked me, "are you a Filipino?". I am cursing but I didn't let the words slip out. No I am a Sabahan. She said sorry. She said she doesn't know how a sabahan looks like. And she added something like this, "You look like a chinese." I said thank you. Everyone says that, but I am not.

It is funny how people can just simply judge you from the outside. But I have no problem with that. I usually judge people sometime. Ha-ha. I just don't care.

Like when I was out for a drink with the monster last weekend, it's come to my surprised when the waiter was like coming back and forth just to make sure I am not a Filipino. What the heck. I said I am a Sabahan but I guess it doesn't look convincing. And when Monster left, they came by and speak in Tagalog with me. I have to admit that I was a big fan of Kristine Hermosa long time ago and I know a few words in Tagalog but that doesn't make me a Filipino you see. I don't usually talk to strangers but sometime a stranger quite irritating. They don't understand that you need them to shut their mouth off. I usually, give them my sweetest smile that's all.

So what's up? There is no wireless available now. And I am at the nearest Starbuck writing as much as I can as I wouldn't have any wireless for the next 2-days. I try to live a life only for two days without a wireless but I can't survive even a day.

I am so dead now. The internet is my life. I can't just live without them.

Now I need a tattoo.

I was sitting waiting for the rest to come down for dinner. I was thinking if fate is real.

Not long ago;
I met with a guy who had this crush on me since seven years ago. And he asked me, if fate is real.

I laughed. I said I am not sure. We live in different interest back then.  He laughed.
He said, have you ever meet with someone who stay true to you and well connected with each other?

I said, I am not sure. I am in my different case.

He asked me how do I like a guy?.

I smiled.

You know, I am just weird. I like something interesting. I like something different. I always fall in love with   strange stuffs. Like the one you never could imagine.

He asked back, how do you describe yourself.

You know, I am not so sure how to describe myself. One thing for sure, I will  never ever cheat to anyone which I care enough. Because you can't buy honesty and trust is hard to gain. But it won't be easy for me to open up to people also. And to gain my trust is quite impossible. I am quite an observant. It takes time for me to digest things. Action speaks louder than words.

He asked back, does soulmate really exist?

I answered. Maybe. I heard there is always a soulmate for everyone.
A someone who knows to love you without being told. But most of the time, people neglected that as they thought things can wait.

I laughed. You'll know he/she is your soulmate when the time comes.
Anyway, you don't meet people by chance. I always believe in that.

And he said, I meet my wife. She is my soul mate because she makes me marry her. But you are the girl I've crushed on 7-years back.

I laughed. I met you 7-years back and I didn't know you have the crush on me.
And now, we are one of the good friend. See, we don't meet people by chance.

We both laughed. And I give my Brownie's Oath. Telling him he will always be my good friend.

Be true. Don't regret when the things slip away from your sight.

For whoever reading my post at the moment, I thank you.
And for whoever following my blog for quite some times now, I thank you for that.

I don't really know that people will read my blog. Andlittle did I know that some of you loved my 36-Roses's entry. I just knew that when I received a feedback through email and Facebook. That is quite fascinating afterall.

When I was a kid, I think I never like writing. I guess I was forced to write.
Back when we lived 7000 miles away from home I started to write just to express how much I hate my mom when she have to question me about calculus whenever we were in a car.

Dad at the other page is someone who loved to write. He writes mostly about what we can do as a person to change the living society back at hometown. Although sometimes he do ask me about my view on politic I always distract him with other stuff like how I hate calculus and how I really want be a volunteer one day. You know my dad can be easily distracted but not mom.

My dad loves to take photos. He has tons of photos which I am not sure what he going to do about it later. When I was seventeen dad told me that I should learn how to take good photos because a picture tells the story itself. I said, people can just read dad. Even if I don't speak good English, they can just read. And dad said, people only believe with what they see.

And that I decided to take a photo of our rented house which fully covered by the snow on one of  that last winter. By the way, back then I have a puppy called Mickey. He was such an adorable pup. I love him to bits.

Today, I am sitting alone having my coffee looking through at the glass door - thinking how much my life has changed. It has changed a lot. I am just too taken away now. The street light reminded me of the old places which we have stayed for all this years. The cars pass by - it just reminds me a lot about the old days.

I am missing my mom and dad.

XOXO

This is heaven. The best EVER.

Now I can relax. I've been through so much this day.

Caught in a moment action, the kids next door, the car incident and blah blah blah. NO MORE.

Time to relax! And as I was sipping my greentea Iced-blended,  I saw a guy pushing the glass door and walking towards me. I said, what the hell now. 

Being the usual me, I straight away put on my shades. Pretending I see nothing. But holy shit, he coming towards me. 

"Don't tell me he is trying to sell me something."

"Wait up, don't tell me he is trying to approach me. If that is the case, I'll say I have my monster. I'll show him our sweet photo together."

OMG, now he is giving me that smile. Is he trying to approach me now. 

"Hi, can I let my mother sit next to you?." 

I was like, what the heck! Did I just heard MOTHER. 

I replied,"your what?".

"Can I let my mother sit next to you?." He smiled. 

I was blurred. I was looking around. I don't see anyone except him and the old basket. And without saying anything, he put his old basket next to me. I tell you, it's really really old luckily it didn't give any smells.

"Hey wait, your what again?..." I am looking at him and staring at his old basket at the same time.

"My mother. My mother. Can I let her sit here?".

I said yes while staring at his old basket.

"Yes why not,anyway your mother already sitted what". I gave him that look.

I thought he must be crazy.

"Thank you." He smiled and left the old basket with me.

As he left, I made my own assumption. I was like, people nowadays all get crazy very fast. Some are forgetful. Some turn out to be crazy at a young age. What the fuck he was saying. His mother? And look at this. This is an old basket. Crazy.

I was laughing and check- in on my cell phone when I saw him coming back with an old lady.

I said, Oh my.

OMG. Now I get it.

I am so blurred!! Alexa you so mean. But it's not my fault anyway, he should say his mother waiting outside.
Anyway, I am a good girl.

And now they are leaving and both of them say goodbye to me. What a so sweet son. Now I feel so bad. 

When Coffee makes you drunk

I had it figured out that Taco isn't really an Italian food.
Wait up, didn't I just told you about that?

Went out with Wanie yesterday. Dropped by for family dinner and off we headed to watch movie. I told her, hey wasn't it Chinese New Year today? What the heck all this leng lui and leng zhai doin' here?

And she answered, ain't you one of them. I said firmly, no I am not. Even my grandfather is a chinese but that doesn't make me a chinese. I am me. Oh what the heck I am talkin'. She just said I am drunk. But honestly, I am free from alcohol this week. YOU GOTTA BELIEVE me. Like seriously. No weed allowed in Malaysia baby.

So I was scanning some books. I grabbed one or two. And I stopped in between the old guy and not so hot dude. "This is what I hate whenever I come to the bookstore. I can't stop buying books on and on!". I was talking to myself and this two men were looking at me. Maybe they thought I am crazy or maybe they thought I am high with weed. Jesus christ, I am not.

Hey Wanie, I am just going to leave this two books here. Would you upset with me then?.
Silly question. I shouldn't ask her.

"I will be very upset if you leave the book there. Go and put it back from where you took it."

Damned she's being so fuckin' bossy to me. I make some face but YES I put it back to the place where it suppose to be.

So I told her, hey silly lets watch some Malay movie today. It felt like am being so English already. Now I feel like watchin' something easy.

Too bad. We ended up with Bullet On Your Head. I have no issue. Basically, action movie has been always my favorite. I've been growing up watching Rambo as early as I was just 9- years old I think. And I remember when I came to visit my aunty one day and her son was tryin' to play army and soldiers with me and the next thing I knew he was running after me with a knife on his hand. That was silly. Never ever let young children watch this kind of movie before the time. Let them have all the Barneys and Jungle Junction and so on.

We went back home yesterday feelin' exhausted and we made some video of ourselves taking' nonsense. Fire crackers were everywhere and seriously the kids next door just called me aunty lets play outside,what the heck. And I told them, hey call me leng lui. What aunty aunty, thought I am so old ah?

We told them, aunty don't wear short pants and sexy like us. Aunty won't play fire crackers with kids. Only cool sexy leng lui will do that because their boyfriend is not around or their boyfriend is dead.

So we make them promise not to call us aunty. Call us Ah Moi. Laugh Out Loud. So we played and there was one time I said, I want to climb the roof and lie down there looking at the skies. But of course I am telling them jokingly. What do you think.

Then today, I woke up quite late. It's her birthday.
I went downstairs with T-shirt and undies and messy hair and saw her sitting downstairs alone watching' TV.

I said, hey its your birthday huh? Look I wanna sing.
So, I was thinking to sing Single Ladies.

To the tune of single ladies," Hey Ms.Wanda,Hey Ms.Wanda,Hey Ms.Wanda"... with my sexy pose and I am lifting my fingers up and when I am just about to do my sexy swing I saw people coming out from the kitchen... - LITTLE DID I KNOW,WE HAVE VISITORS!

Disaster! Embarrassing! I AM DEAD!

Morale of the story, never try to sing for people. Duh!

This was the reason why I am being so pissed off today. Anyway it was my fault. I swear, I am not going to sing for anyone anymore ~ ever!.

Do you know what is the best thing being a grown up?
You can sleep the whole day without having to worry about schoolwork.

The best part is, you don't have to wake up early morning on Sunday for church. Oh, blame me for that.

Mom and Dad I just hungover. Excuse me for another day.

Today I woke up and feeling' sticky.
I went downstairs and checked on cousin. He left.

Aunty was not around. Mom and Dad suppose to be in China right now.
This year is my first year celebrating Chinese New Year without the family.

I grabbed my cell phone. Saw a few messages from friends. I went to my study room and checked on emails. Received an email from Ross. I read through. Ross is one of my coolest friends ever. We've been friend like almost 6-years now.

I called Wani. She said, she will be here at 10:30am. And I am still sitting feeling sticky checking on emails.

We had a family dinner last night and I remembered how I joke about how funny people behave sometimes and I am sick with their excuses. I said sometimes I find it was crap but I can't help myself giving them that smile just to tell them I agree with the fact that they say crap whereas actually I want them to shut-up.

I am not being fake, it's just that sometimes I am lazy to answer back. Because the more you answer the more crap it could be. Laugh at loud.

And cousin said, I should say it loud.  Okay I got that point. It's just that I like to observe people see how long they can keep up with their crap. Don't you think it's exciting?. Sometimes, I wish I was Houdini. Wait, wait a minute - does Houdini read peoples mind??. Whatever, at least I never say Taco is an Italian food.

Laugh Out Loud.

So what's up?. It is New Year. And I don't feel like I want to Pai Nin anywhere. Ha Ha. I only feel like I want clubbing and sleeping. Naaa joking.


And now... I forgot what I wanna say. WTF.

It is just the matter of fact whether you can take it or just walk away.

In reference to my blog post yesterday, I received quite a few responses by sms. I am not pessimistic even though I do sound one like. Being myself, I always believe sharing the feeling and thought are the best way in building a good relationship.

Although I am known as a talkative person among my good friends but when it comes to problem I rather choose to discuss them openly. I tried to avoid sending a text or email because a good relationship needs an emotion which you can feel. So when you got a problem, you talk and you share so that the other party hear you and feel you.

I am quite an observer. But I hold on to what is true.
I am quite a tough girl so I work things out.

When I said, sometime in life to avoid disappointment is when we stop expecting anything from anyone. My point here is, in life you've got a choice. I choose to believe. I choose to believe that in life it is not only about yourself but it is also about the person who you care. It is fine to upset sometime and it is fine to share what is on your mind because its help you to understand the whole situation.

In life, understanding and trust is the key to someone's heart - well, apart from love.


 " sometime every couple need to argue - this is just to prove that the relationship is strong enough to survive".

Don't give up just yet, honey.